He kindly stopped for me;
The carriage held but just ourselves
And Immortality.
-Emily Dickinson
When
a young lady died in an accident in Goa I was struck by the fact that she was
buried in a bridal gown, in a white coffin, carried by girls. For an insider
the semiotics are plain to see, viz. the lady was unmarried.
What
did not escape me was why should she be dressed in her bridal gown? It is not
as if she was there to see it. Is it some kind of wish-fulfillment to have her
don the vestments on her last journey? Or is it the parents’ desire to express
regret that she did not get married? The choice for the lady in question does
not exist anymore. So society makes it for her.
Dressing
a lady in a bridal gown seems to be circumscribing her choices, her destiny,
her freedoms. Is a woman defined only by marriage, or an association with a
husband? What about her own identity? What if she never intended to get
married?
To
get some answers to these questions I asked some young women what they thought
of it. While many agreed vociferously with the practice, wagging their heads in
dismay that someone should dare question their belief, a significant silent
section differed. The bubble burst when one rose and said, ‘I’d like to wear a
designer suit – as it would be the last time I would be wearing it.’
If
women are given the choice they will exercise it. So some think it is best not
to give it. While all sympathies rest with the bereaved family, the practice
has repressive connotations. The message that it conveys to the rest of the
community is, ‘Marriage –or the grave – is your final destination.’
‘The
women in his canvas pray, work and mourn,’ writes Maria Aurora Couto about Goan
painter F.N. Souza in www.thehindu.com. Such a stoic Greek aspect is the character
delineated for a woman in Goa. This is the role she is expected to fit into.
She cannot aspire to be anything more.
Breaking
of her bangles when her husband dies indicates her abject dependence and a fall
from grace. Hindu and Christian traditions merge here as in many other
practices.*
When
women make choices of their own they are often ostracized. A woman has a right
to do what she wants with her life. Can we give her that chance?
In Summer and in Winter I shall walk
Up and down
The patterned garden paths
In my stiff, brocaded gown. . .
Gorgeously arrayed,
Boned and stayed.
And the softness of my body will be guarded from
embrace
By each button, hook, and lace.
For the man who should loose me is dead . . .
In a pattern called a war.
Christ! What are patterns for?
-From ‘Patterns’ by Amy Lowell
*
See
Fatima da Silva Gracias. Kaleidoscope of
Women in Goa 1510-1961 (Concept, 1996)
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Comments
liked it very much
vivek ratn (participant of debate)